Don’t ever think that you can come back – that’s the proper way of walking into the future. There’s no way of allowing yourself to even consider that I could have chosen another road or i could switch back any second with an excuse in a pocket. Enjoying the moment doesn’t depend on financial, marital or psychological status, doesn’t depend on the day of the week, amount of alcohol last night or political belief ( of course ). It depends on ability to close your eyes, that’s it.
Sometimes it occurs to me, luckily at the beginning of the day and I feel it through, sending the agony away. And I finally get it – my power, my soul, my motivation. Despite of the traffic or other stuff adults stuff their mind with.
But the point is- Love. Where it comes from, even if it is in every day, I lack it. I miss the passion in every breath as if creating a masterpiece till the last beat of the exhausted heart, which i relentlessly try to feed off the works of other victims of creation. When it hits, I am embarrassed and red, I feel like I see the whole world so close and it gazes back at me. This love sends shock through my body to remind me of what life should be like.
And I remember, with every tiny breath of the fall which have already arrived to my former continent, with flashes from the past, with a sense in the air and with music attacking my routine over and over beating it up till i lose track of the whole thing called reality. I am not crazy, just over-romantic, under-dreamy, super-lovesick for things and people that used to surround me. So I am glad I can remember. I just want to be more than what I see.